Confessional #2498539. Denying. WTF? Anyone who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again. He went out and found his father waiting to take us to church Jumped on his hood yelling this is what I think of you and society as he urinated on his windshield then left for work with his mother crying. It isn't about him, it's about your kids. My husband went so he could see his kids and I stayed home and looked after our dogs so we wouldnt have to board them in a kennel. Understanding this enables one to have compassion for their ex-spouse. Compassion is important. READ THE RULES. I was trying to hold his leg saying he could do as he wanted if he would just stop embarrassing us over his stinking time off. Please keep yours, at least in your heart. You didn't do anything wrong, we just have asshole lurkers/downvote bots stalking our /new queue. My mood tanked to near zero. I was spoiled growing up in that my parents were right out of a "movie set". On the fifth I was on my knees pleading just wait for the next bid list in two weeks let the four that wanted that new department have it. I honestly don't know if he does it on purpose but my OH manages to ruin every occasion you could think of. Have you tried asking your I am sorry for your husband deflating your enthusiasm. His mother had nearly killed his father with a heavy glass ashtray about getting his good old boys to just jail my husband Telling her he did not care when his last day off was or what the stinking contract said he could have off. Just please pull his bid and talk to the other three that his father called the ex military seniority bullies. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and control. He said go ahead start just don't stop he would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave. No big deal. That in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. My husband had warned me to enjoy the show when she opened the folder and several 8x10s fell out showing the deacon going into a motel when he was supposed to be at work with another woman. I'm only 9 years in (3 married) and I take a mom cation every year minimum 3 days, preferably 5, with our trailer (that I can't drive/tow ) up in the mountains. I spend the night coughing my guts out. Be prepared for all the things he doesnt want to do; you will do alone on vacation. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist. He screamed for crying out loud he had two months he could take off in the two months following the holidays, why did he have to hammer the least seniority to work instead of himself They did not have as much time as he did to take off so he could at least shut up and do as the community wanted, She bounced a heavy glass ashtray off his head yelling he did not owe the community a stinking thing. WebIf your partner is secretly inviting others (complete strangers no less) into the exclusive realm that should be reserved between the two of you, it breaks that trust and feelings of violation usually follow. I wanted calm, peace and to feel the joy of holidays and birthdays. That individual predictably, in his or her unique way, manages to say the wrong thing, act out inappropriately, irritate others, contrives to be the center of attention, He is planning on taking one day off out of the three I am taking. You can be sure of one thing your relationship needs a severe review. Baby, no, come back here, don't put your hand in the toilet! Almost too good to be true. Holy shit, I'm sorry your husband is such a tard. Narcissists are good at playing innocent when they want to. He gets a terrible attitude and tries to get me to run errands or comfort him and give him attention. His 13 pound 4'4" tall cane came across the room without the grip tip on and shattered the left side of my old boyfriends skull dropping him to the floor and then my husband started to hammer fist him breaking most the bones above my boyfriends upper legs and causing major internal damage, When I tried stopping the rage I was swatted across the room. My Husband Ruins Every Vacation: Coping Tips I was already sick and crying from the long flight and his apparent hatred of being my husband and being forced to work every day since we chose a apartment In South Carolina. Its not just the holiday seasonthey also have a tendency to ruin other special days, such as anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines Day,as well as vacations. over the Christmas 2012 his sister brother and mother arrived and took off with the meal I had ready to serve them and other guests saying my husband was going to get what he paid for that time. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search csfa league table. Happens a lot! Just to add: You sound like a nice person, and deserve a safe place. Workaholics feel they are worth and deserve attention and love only if they work hard. There was the frustration, the anger, the display of "can't wait til this is over" mentality. They may also use holiday routine disruptions as an excuse to triangulate you with others or give you a silent treatment. I explicitly made the suggestion so that he could take a break because he says he's feeling so awful, I'm sick too and the only request I'd made was that I could grab some ice cream for my throat, and if he's feeling SO AWFUL AND EXHAUSTED after 10 straight hours of sleep and full health, how the fuck does he think I'm feeling seeing as how I'm coughing my guts out and only got 5 hours of broken sleep? I was crying in six months we could try and restart our marriage the right way in peace without the fight that things had become over rights he had earned with 34 years. Do you have any friends that you could talk to that may share your enthusiasm? Good on you, John. And it was also my first birthday as a mom. Oh my God, my family was just like that. His steward told us he had worked his last holiday. He instead was getting all the suites he could arrange against the sheriffs office, the court, the union itself, and the county just because he was made to miss the millennials and work building a parts bank for assembly start up on the 3rd of January. We tried to call him on his job in the plant to at least try and hear us out and make a vacation holiday after his 45th birthday. There are many ways for your husband to ruin your vacation. I stepped out of my bedroom right into my husbands chest In a brand new outfit I was going to wear to the dinner that evening, I knew i had to do something to go with the group and started telling my husband I had promised his father to go that evening. The hope was my husband would understand why he was made to work in his place as well as the other four. The next week I was going with my husbands parents and his fathers best friend to a community awards dinner When the mental health sent him home by insurance taxi, With his mother and sister we planed a dinner the next weekend. The husbands story went viral on the AITA subreddit, getting over 15.8k upvotes. I was just trying to see a young couple get a better start in their marriage than we had 28 years before because it now hung over our heads and had crushed any thing we could have had, I plead please don't send me to prison I would forget the society needs and they would have to fend for themselves from then on. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Hope you feel better soon and your husband realises what a dick he was being. She complains she hates Christmas because its too commercial, but then gets angry if I dont spend enough money on her gift. Because of scheduling clashes over summer, I ended up taking my daughter away for a short beach break without husband, and in spite of being cold and windy and having to ride 6km with kiddo in a trailer with a brutal North Sea headwind to get anywhere, and the food in the hostel being appalling, we had a blast because I can have a sense of humour about these things, and it's not about me, it's about the kid, who was having fun. Im starting to get less patient.I have been a very good friend to her over the years but this latest episode wasnt necessaryespecially with what we have all been through with the Pandemic. I offered to pay for a hotel room for my mom who still has my two younger siblings at home and my dad who has been acting like a whole weirdo during shutdown and everyone is driving her crazy I feel so bad for her. Dont sabotage your holiday for your partner. Give him a vacation. I just stood there crying was that really what he thought of us for keeping him without a day off all those years. I've never figured out all the whys and why nots but my husband acts like this a lot. After awhile he apologizes for being an asshole. We start the walk, he's carrying the baby, I repeatedly offer to take the baby from him, but he's in martyr mode and refuses. And traffic. Well, you can share your enthusiasm here. My husband started ruining the holidays as far back as 1985. "For example, losing $20 affects us more than gaining $20, even though the two events are equivalent in weight," she said. So we spent to the new year in each others company. Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and do all the things that we wouldn't do if we went during the summer (the zoo, a couple parks, renting bikes to ride down the boardwalk, etc). Just because he would not try it our way for 15 years. Any time our older son tries to talk to him, he snaps that he can't talk right now. This leaves you to make all of the explanations to everyone. I swear they do everything you just described. Welp, as it always happens, I woke up the morning we were to leave feeling like utter dogshit. And of course our two boys (13m and 4y) are coughing and congested as well. As we loaded the back of the suburban with our luggage I saw my gift for Christmas nicely wrapped, I wanted to open it to see what was bought. I opened it to a note that said worth more than our 19 year marriage had been. In the devaluation stage, they will act as if they were not gifts at all. His mother sister and I decided besides the 1300 Euro clock we bought for his Christmas birthday gift we had better have a vacation he would like already in the works. I honestly dont think he realizes he does it. They ignore you. I was going to do Christmas BIG for the first time in my life really. His father was yelling never was he so unfair in his life, was his gift really necessary, It was only time off we were asking him to take when it was better for the rest of the community, He said the community could go to hell since he was having to lead the way. Make a strategy before you go shopping or before you begin putting items in your traveling baggage. You may divide your vacation planning responsibilities like couples frequently do with anything from chores to date evenings. Holidays, however, provide the perfect cover to get a surprise hoover. You may have gone no-contact with the narcissist in your life. Misunderstanding What Validation Is Thank you so much, man,' Karl said In the rehab my husband used several hundred in cash to get taken in a wheel chair To certify in Microsoft, cisco, and networking servers. This can help you have peace in your life and survive this holiday season. When they see you happy, they may start an argument. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. Just be aware of narcissists gift-giving strategy as a way to get something in return. He keeps asking what I want to do next, I'm not about to answer that because every fucking suggestion I've made all morning has been met with attitude, so I tell him just to do what he wants, and he unloads on me about how I'm being so nasty towards him today and ruining the trip (FUCKING WHAT). This holds true regardless of what holiday or holidays youre celebrating or even if youre not celebrating at all. I say fine, forget it, if it's that damn important to him that we get back to the car let's just go, he of course starts arguing that I wanted my ice cream so we have to go get it (because MARTYR), I just walked away back to the car, closed my eyes and slept the rest of the way home without saying another word to him. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. Don't despair, Make it a Hallmark Thanksgiving and Christmas by doing something special for yourself. But my life has always been hard. He gives me the most disgusted look, lets out a huge martyr sigh, and says "yeah, fine, whatever you want." 'We can only live and dream. We go to the zoo, we have fun, but there are a few instances where husband is cranky for seemingly no reason. My husbands reaction was swift , immediate, and deadly. Talk about it. I was in orange and white strips in the county jail until labor day. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. I had his crying father pleading please don't allow him to be home for the holidays. So we end up picking a somewhat generic beachside restaurant for sandwiches. You are a human being and deserve to have this happinesss. Even if theyre dont celebrate or you dont, both of you may get many invitations, and attending may be social. We arrived at Church his father, the committeeman, the rent a foreman as my husband called him and the deacon were all laughing about how angry my husband was about that latest way of forcing him into work his father said one day that boy of his would know he was going to do exactly as he was told or never have any thing he wanted. Its totally not his fault of coursehe earns his vacation and should take itbut it was like dancing around a starving child while eating a sandwich. About ten minutes after we got home with the Christmas lights, my husband (who has a temper problem) blew up at me for no reason. Just have to say - I can totally see my husband doing/saying all of these things when he's in his bad mood. Your power as a person comes from standing up for who you are. He wails that he "isn't going to make it" the last five blocks. We were trying to think of a way that he would be treated in a wheel char when he finally came home that was not an interference in our life. You also deserve dignity and respect. He said after the first lash it better not stop until he had no pulse or heartbeat because he would still see us in hell. Again. Remember its good sides, and with enough preparation, patience, and support, you might be able to save your vacation. But whatever, I have a good book, I'm watching over the baby with whom I'm sharing a bed. She left the Dias in tears and gathered the kids and told the deacon following that he could come home in the new year. It might not be the same but it would start a way to peace and nobody else would end up going to the ER. We got back and went straight to his fathers safe deposit and he dragged his father out kicking him and up the sidewalk telling us he would have his property returned he slammed his father on the managers desk handing him the box key telling him he just wanted his passport returned. They want to hold the holiday season over our heads so that they can get their way. and I along with our friends since 1985 had kept him from any thing he had earned in time off or seniority rights I had not been any kind of a wife just cheated on him claiming it was because of his social none cooperation and me. Well,, this year she ruined a holiday by starting an argument about something not worthy of an argument.I tried to explain .. tried to be empathetic but also honest. When I ask him why he's reacting that way, he explodes that he JUST TOLD ME that he feels like he's going to puke (but of course still "FINE." Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. THE FUCK. To find him curled up in the crib unable to be moved without screaming it took a ambulance crew t get him on a gurney then to a ER where they sedated my husband and put him through a MRI after signing his own treatment paperwork before putting him under and drawing blood. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. Of course, now he changes his tune and starts insisting that I take a nap. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. Confessional #98132334. He bought me roses and actually bought me a gift (he didnt buy me one last year). Completely killed it! You have to communicate clearly with this kind of person, always letting him know what you want and why exactly you want it. Yes, it is possible. Two years latter thinking he was going to hear our marriage was dissolved, that he was out from under the court and able to finally take a day off, He stood in the court when threatened with contempt and told everyone there he had nothing but contempt for the lot of us and walked out saying go ahead jail him he would like the rest. Narcissists, however, have no interest in true harmony. And it just killed my Christmas spirit. Thank you for responding. But I push through. He always does or says something that ruins my birthday- it's like he really begrudges it! I was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the community. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. Thats when I snap at him to please stop giving me things to do on my vacation day and to let me just enjoy myself for a day. The fucker was heavy and pedaling it around was harder than we expected. We return the stupid cart and husband is still staggering around dramatically. It's often when you are chatting to someone about a common interest that you could try asking for some advice / support for yourself. The gift buying aspect sounds like just what my father has done to my mother their entire marriage. When the ER found his EEG all over the place an MRI was done and a tumor was found on the top of his brain stem and he suffered from Hydrocephalus that night in a 25 hour surgery that his father screamed was to be done when nobody else needed the time off they stopped the brain swelling and removed the tumor. It almost ruined our marriage honestly. He notices there's a pedal-cart rental place nearby and spends lunch talking about how much fun it would be to rent one and ride up and down the oceanfront. I can't imagine how you made it through all that without kicking him in the shin. In 2003 I gave his father his passport to lock in his safe deposit to stop him from the Ireland trip to keep his father happy, I left a note to please just make a list of what he would consider for the time after the new year or better yet just talk to his foreman get the time arranged for and then make the reservations just not any place cold He would get his passport back before the new year and nobody had to be beaten to a bloody pulp if he would just keep the peace about choosing something else after the new year, In that note I said there had to be a way to stop the impasse. the deacon and his church secretary wife put their three kids in the front pew then went and took their seats on the dais She found a folder that instantly set me on edge since it was those used by my husband for photos from his 35 mm. He should believe that and be happy for you. My husband was not even there but because he wanted what he had earned it put a major damper on the holidays. He said all he had to do was use the options offered, if he wanted stinking time off. After all that, I say hey, I'm up, why don't I come with you, and we'll just grab a big coffee for me on the way out? OK THEN. He would have been on his way an hour latter if his father did not use his friendship with a judge to get my husband ordered into work overriding the union contract. What is not possible is to change him. It sucks a lot of the joy out of the time off I take. Another had a vic 20 keyboard lodged in his jaws and his teeth broken out and his father and the last man trying to get him to work suffered bad facial beating. Sorry, love. To them, this guarantees a spot in your brain space that is at least equally as important as your anticipation of that holiday event. Get a surprise hoover anger, the anger, the display of ca! Get their way to hold the holiday season over our heads so that they can get their way to. 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