Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. Paula. That is wonderful for your little daughter! My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. Dont blame them and pick a time to talk to them when you can do it without being disturbed. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? I dont know what to do. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. You sound so sad and worried and writing the first few months were black makes me suspect that you were (and maybe still are) suffering from a postpartum depression. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. Why do I feel like she doesnt love me anymore. by Margaret e Jacobsen. Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. I am not defending what the babys mom did. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. This baffles me. Please dont give up on your babies. She adores me but her daddy not so much. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. And be there when they come back. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. Push her away and put your foot down. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. Give your baby extra cuddles, touches, and comfort. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. I feel bad for the child. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. I cant quite remember if this started at around the same time but she no longer wants to be with me she will reach out for anyone else who is around, and this is really upsetting for me. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. why does he do this?? It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. well, its not. So a temporary solution is essential. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. Here is the good news: you are not alone. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. I think you do have a problem. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. Id say that is completely normal! Hi, But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? Laura, youre not silly, youre human! And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Why is that so? She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. Consider your overall financial picture. She does not have any memories of you crying and even if she did, she wouldnt hate you for it. Which just doesnt help at all! Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. Ive been home with her from the beginning. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. Thank you thank you thank you!! Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. All she needs is her grandparents or father. Very hopeful! January 26, 2013. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . I think there are two things you should do. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. and youre doing the right thing. thanks for listening to my views. And you know what? Ask your employer if something like this is an option. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. (And no chords these evening until your baby is asleep! I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . But i continued being there for her. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! she is taken care by my husbands mother . This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. RIght now he is identifying with dad. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. Quote #4. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. Focus on love and fun! What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. Read on for tips on how to make it work for you and your baby. He cant be without her for even a minute. Some babies who take a bottle early . I feel so much for you! you. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? baby rejecting mom after going back to work. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. And when he wakes up at night he always looks for his dad and when I want to hold him he pushes my hands away. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. i feel so alone and depressed. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. Your baby is enjoying the world around him and right now grandma is great fun. Take her outside! And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). But you say that you gave up on her. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. What can I do? My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. What a tricky situation you are all in! This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. Im starting to become resentful of my husband (who is not taking me seriously at all) and even worse my son xx. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). I adore and love my som immensely. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. Play games together with both her and her if needed. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. Thanks. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. I am drained to the point where I But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. If I dont seek her out, we dont hear from her Ive often wondered what happened. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Take care of yourself during this time. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! Running away like that is completely unacceptable. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. She just wants me to go away from her. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. But he just doesnt seem to need me. But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. With him me back that awful dark place it sounds like this is an option find way. Would def go with one of his arms may be once or twice a months want anything to do me! 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