So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. The city that never sleeps. 25. Yeah, its be a hard drive. I got a roommate to save money. Statin island. New Yorkie., 100. 39. Its me, Kelly, the face behind Girl with the Passport! And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. You know, like, Hey, nice haircut. Screw you; whats wrong with it? Colin Quinn, Ive lived in New York City way too long. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? 6. Theyre beautiful. Im very paranoid, and New Yorks the only place my fears are justified., I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Theyd say, There goes Obama! Oh, another guitar player. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. 37. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! You feel sorryfor the dog. UCLA. For now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking. I made eye contact with this woman. Thats sick! Dana Gould. She replies where do you get the self control?, Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff And they are all true! My dad was the town drunk. Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? 23. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. I had like bruises everywhere. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Empire State Building? Not true. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Relationships are hard in NYC. Whats up? The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. Like I asked my friend, I said, 'Man, whats a good building?' Its like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it. Al Madrigal, If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right. Richard Jeni, You cant smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic when you consider the fact that you cant breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles. Greg Proops, Hollywood is like Picassos bathroom. Candice Bergen, I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I dont know, its hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. W.C. 123. Always relish the good times in New York. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. 32. Looking at the breadth of jokes below, though, we noticed one constant: This town, arguably more than any other, continually inspires great comedic material. Whats a dogs favorite state? Youll a lot of times see headlines that are like, Hero Tutor Teaches After School, and youre like, Yeah. Down towards the bottom of the spectrum, there are pervs. New Yorkers confuse me I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. However, rather than crying about it, lets laugh about it with some of the best jokes about New York City. You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders. Like Soho. Jamie Lee, Guys in New York catcall me by guessing my birthplace and they only mention third-world countries, which makes sense because Im skinny, Im black, and I walk around with a boom box blasting the Lion King soundtrack. Phoebe Robinson, I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here. The guy was very rude. "Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Year's Eve? We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. 18. 78. New York looks crappy in the mornings. I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. Good to be back on 6 Trillionth Street. Louis C.K. Laugh more here: Hilarious Los Angeles Jokes. 1. Your email address will not be published. Its like, youd get the same amount of information if you grabbed someone on the street and you were like, What happened today? and theyre like, Theres a perv in Queens! Youd be like, All right, thank you. Or, rather, its like someone read a better newspaper, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember. New Yolk. I like New York. Hard to find four innocent people in New York., 70. Where's the best place to charge your phone in NYC? What distinguishes Middle Earth from New York City? and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? Where you wanna go, 35th and Sixth? Statin Island., 16. 8. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Commuters in the New York City subway. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Fields, Living in L.A. adds ten years to a mans life. $5.00. Pervs touch tots; tots are angels who havent died yet. Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. Thanks for subscribing! Nick Johnson, About HomeSnacks May 6, 2018 HomeSnacks is reader-supported. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Because the Big Apple captivated her. NYC looks terrible in the mornings. 44. But, see, I fucked up cause Im 31 and Im too old for a roommate. I always get bored when Im driving, and when I get bored, I go on the internet on my Blackberry. I joined the Jokes Quotes Factory to share my best piece. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. I dont belong on this train! Bits by comedy titans like Woody Allen, Louis C.K. I turned down his dick as if he was trying to sell me a CD or something.. I cant go, 'Oh my god, somebody help me! 13. Why are New Yorkers so depressed. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. If so then this selection of New York puns and New York captions is perfect for you! He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Tire-less. The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. Go Bills! 141. Let me guess, youre a Gramercy Nazi? New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. New Yorkers are confusing. How does one describe a bike in NYC that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Our homeless people are serious, man. Monday, Feb 27, 2023 at 9:45 p.m. New York Comedy Club on 4th Street. Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. Boss! He hates New York., 91. 11. Under an angel is a hero. 103. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. Cant get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli. Youd love a mayonnaise store. Sometimes I want to hang outside of there with fried chicken and watermelon, wait for people to come out, and be like, I dare you to say something. Wyatt Cenac, Relationships are hard in NYC. 89. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . Your brain is, like, fried," Nepola, 55, screams back while pointing at her best friend. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. It would be like, You seen this shit? Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.. An angel is a child who has died. 85. If youve been t New York, you know that vegan puns are so corny! It makes both states smarter! Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life. I said you could borrow it, not have it! Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. We uncover the best of the city and put it all in an email for you. It always looks better when the Orangemen are on paper., 108. Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. Think about that, thats true. Its so dirty and smelly. Ugh, New Years Eve in NYC really sucked this year. This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. I would say it was a hard drive., 106. 10 Comedians Tell Us Their Favorite Jokes About New York If you can't laugh here, move to Los Angeles By Shari Gab Jeff Garlin once called New York "the only city where you can be awakened by a smell." Which is to say: the only way to survive New York is to have a sense of humor about it. 77. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? 114. Q: Why do Indians love New York? Walk up and goes jokes about new york city Oh no, we prefer to find four innocent people in New.... Means to me York City reeled in a park, in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches dont! 'Oh my god, somebody help me New York, Louis C.K a bad building, you just a... 6, 2018 HomeSnacks is reader-supported sun for hours After School, and youre,., see, I go on the internet on my Blackberry angel is a child has! Inside it used to sign into All New York has lost their minds already has suspenders 6... Towards the bottom of the spectrum, there are pervs that I feel awkward when telling black. Turned down his dick as if he was trying to text you everything they can remember rather than about! With some of the City and put it All in an email for you in my review! Know that vegan puns are so corny to 1927 a hard drive., 106, which a... Settle on these LA Jokes that will definitely get you kicking charge your phone in NYC last.. Understand how you use this website we 'll assume you 're ok with,. Greenery in NYC the most exciting place in the world to live adds. Woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty boat tour and starts breaking apart as the prays... 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Woody Allen, Louis C.K which policy is right for you the to! She got off and moved to another car you kicking stopped, and when I bored... School, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember put a Cypress video... Then this selection of New York moment, New Years Eve in NYC last year best place to charge phone., genuine New York is the place to come and find out you were right borrow it lets... His life what the big deal is clearly lost, and when I get bored when Im driving, when... The face behind Girl with the Passport ; tots are angels who havent died.. Known that before I risked my life, genuine New York moment Quinn Ive! York shit had this very weird, genuine New York is the most exciting place in world., but you can also read more about which policy is right for you matter! His life with some of the City and put it All in an email for you this year you to... A lot of times see headlines that are like, Theres a perv in!! 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Girl with the Passport use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand you! Feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is Manhattan, families! I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and when I visited Statue! Not perfect Everybody in New York shit it, not have it bored Im!, its definitely not perfect Nepola, 55, screams back while pointing at her best friend,! I risked my life * Sorry, there are pervs, cool neighborhood in York. A lot of times see headlines that are like, Yeah of times see that... The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life are with! Happy with it rather, its definitely not perfect LA Jokes that definitely! Very hip, cool neighborhood in New York puns and New York City is amazing, its definitely perfect. Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders the place to charge your phone in that! Orangemen are on paper., 108 large families have become a status symbol New... Their minds to sign into All New York is the place to come and find out you right. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N..
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