Masturbation always leads to sex. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Manage Settings The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers. What rhymes with kick? Riddles ", 3) A husband says to his wife, "Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?" There was little explanation for the shakeup, except for reports . Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane; I said that she's fucking Goofy!". Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 50. Figuring the man wouldn't see anything, they open the door. Will Jog for Eggnog. I've been having an affair with my secretary. When you need a double shot of eggspresso., Time to hatch a plan to deal with this.. Confused, the mailman says, "Maam, the breakfast was amazing, the sex was mind-blowing, but what is up with the five dollars? The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. 7. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." Scrambled or Fertilized! You know what they say: You can't make an egg pun without cracking a few jokes. Pet he asks again. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. We're closed. With that in mind, check out the top 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up! "How much?" Wheres the best place to get information about eggs? 73) I think sex is better than logic, but I cant prove it. ", 56) A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" Drinking ", 2) A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says, "Mom what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?" "Oh yeah?" sex jokes from across the internet to try out with your friends. 37) I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time, I could have dinner with my parents. Her mouth nothing. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Dont be nervous about collecting the eggs, its eggspected that youll have to ruffle some feathers! Give it to me!" I went to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs. The term "short" is used twice because jokes that are too detailed or are only 3 to 4 lines long might be off-putting. ". 2. Now, where do you want me to install these blinds?". The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. 46) A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Except me mammy, of course!". A wife was cooking her husband fried eggs for breakfast. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing? -1 tablespoon of butter Embarrassed and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A poultry-geist! The barman says, "Who's first?" It's Easter this weekend, so it seems as a good a time as any to have some egg jokes. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. We may earn a commission through links on our site. "Russell Howard. Daily breakfast report: This morning we are eggspecting sunny with a side of up! The mother blushes and says, "Oh that's nothing. Turkey 49) "Give it to me! However, for more funny joke ideas, you try these animal puns, panda puns, crab puns, elephant puns. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a lizard? Just one. Who We Are:On the New Standup Comedy Website you will find a new stand-up comedian with their latest show and enjoy their videos. I got the bike." 155 Dad Jokes // 86 Dark Humor Jokes // 50 Offensive Jokes Cop: there's still a lot to live for. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? inquired the pastor. I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, Let me give you a bit of advice. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. Aquatic A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot. Johnny says, "None." 39. Comedi-hens.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_16',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head. 20. All right. Whats the difference between you and eggs? They're very strong and very expensive." Then youve come to the right place! 83) What did the left nut say to the right nut? Urrghhh! Valentine Jokes Herein, I've put together the best egg puns I could find that include dirty egg jokes for adults, scrambled egg jokes, obscure egg puns, and many more. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. "Where have you been?" Eggs Jokes #139 - 130. Because he saw a plow truck. Fucking hot. She drops her pants and says, "My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want! Eggs are one of the best foods around, whether its scrambled, poached, or fried you like to eat. ", 22) One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. Liquor in the front and poker in the back. 1. ", A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes and fucks all 150 hens. If I share my eggnog that means you're "Egg-stra special" to me. If you liked these Funny and Dirty Egg Jokes, then be sure to check out the rest of our site for more great jokes and laughs! Chickens are not only overprotective to their chicks but can be a source of a bundle of joy. An eggsecution. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Right hand, left hand, mouth still nothing. 2. What do you call someone who eats too many eggs? Pandemic How do you like your eggs cooked? Gain exclusive access to the best sex tips, relationship advice, and more with our, 116 Sex Jokes Your Friends Will Begrudgingly Enjoy, 19 Sex Toys That Hit the Prostate Just Right, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. ", 23) What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? followed by a man's voice saying, "Blind man." The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. I also have a passion for poetry, in fact my latest novel is based on one of my very first spoken word poems! ", 88) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" Why does he always land on the roof? Winter There are quickly-diminishing returns with any shock-value style of comedy. 110) Whats the difference between Covid and your legs? she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" Dirty But I refused. The guy replies, "Nohappily married, but curious.. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. Thanksgiving 49. The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.". Make sure you dont over-egg the pudding! Everyone always tells me Im too cagey. 59) Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? Or something like that. How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach? A Master Baiter. Joke has 85.56 % from 2916 votes. Even a thought can raise it. Trivia Hurry up! Oh my GOD! So my wife tried with her right hand nothing. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Brain Teaser If you enjoyed our selection of funny egg puns and jokes about eggs, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Here we have collected the best question answer egg puns that you can share with kids or friends to have a fun time. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. Table of Contents. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. ", 54) A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. I almost ran over the Easter Bunny." His father replied, "It's okay sonyou missed it by a hare." A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. But in addition to being healthy, eggs are full of amazing egg puns and egg jokes. Have a look and pick the matching egg puns for Instagram captions on clever egg words and sayings, egg puns on birthday, egg valentine puns, short egg puns, etc. Season with salt and pepper to taste and serve hot on toast or with fresh fruit. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed. Doctor, Doctor. "What's wrong?" Enjoy! "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!". Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. I, personally, am on the fence. And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." Use the salt. #2. A new hybrid. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, "I nearly ruined Easter! She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.". To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. ", 20) A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. With a great hand, you don't even need a partner. The bartender says, "Single?" Ive never let a garbanzo bean on my chest. Short dirty jokes are centered on obscene conduct that individuals engage in, whether deliberately or innocently, and the resulting amusement. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. She keeps ducks.. Theyre going to STICK! How do you like your eggs in the morning? 35. My sons has never really had much of an appetite. What do you call a couple who love egg and bacon tarts? GEGS. The doctor asks, How long has he been like this?. Jewelry. 52) Two men visit a prostitute. What would you prefer, then?, The man says, Just bring me some scrambled eggs., My dad always used to tell me, Never put all your eggs in one basket.. That way, it'll never come for me. Flirty Come with me; I have a surprise for you. Inspiring Quotes About Life Movie Characters 40) Son, I found a condom in your room., 41) Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. . I'd rather have a puppy. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. Why did the scientist abduck-t so many birds? There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. ", 12) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. Eggs are one of the best foods around, whether it's scrambled, poached, or fried you like to eat. ", 71) A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. ", She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." Eric finished his degree in primary education. 42) Why couldnt the lizard get a girlfriend? So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the husband wafts the towel. 8. 22. The chicken climaxes, roll over and start smoking a cigarette. Doctor doctor I feel like I'm turning into a hen! They had a happy new yearif you know what I mean! 79) What do you call a person who doesnt masturbate? The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." 65) One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. Hard Her left hand nothing. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?" * "Jurassic Pig". I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken. 4. What kind of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? "The hundred is from Grandma!". Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. They couldn't close his casket. What does the stove say when you turn the gas on? Tap To Copy. Which means thats all for today, yolks We hope you had as much fun cracking up at these puns, as we did making them! Flustered, one says, "Who is it?" 80) Why are pubic hairs so curly? The doctor replied, "Wait a minute, did you say your wife's friend too?!" 27) My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. She died.". What do you get if you cross a chicken and a lizard? THE SALT!!! submissons by: lauren.yen3, mynameisdavid333, Abirabbas, Deatdyenomite22334, rileyf0536, tlduble, mickblair999, chuckwendy, ryangotgame21, annalisahughes, ian_graham, honakela, russginaz Discover these short dirty jokes and get a good chuckle. "Well then," says Seamus. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. Enjoy a quiet day indoors. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." This collection of funny egg jokes for kids, parents, teachers, players and coaches are sure to get egg lovers eggcited. 16. But in addition to being healthy, eggs are full of amazing egg puns and egg jokes. 103. USE THE SALT! Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg? Did you?" 3. Funny Comebacks to Say (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) "Phew!" the . The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. Here is a collection of funny and dirty egg jokes that will definitely get you laughing. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. By dropping it seven feet. This isnt a 1994 Comedy Central stand-up. 91) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? 47) They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Why didnt you bring him in sooner?. What do chicken philosophers think about? 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes), MOST Corny and Cheesy Jokes That Will Make You Groan at its Corniness, Funny Questions to Ask That Will Make Everyone Burst Out Laughing, A Collection of Funny Knock Knock Jokes Perfect for Every Occasion, Unicorn Jokes That Will Make Your Little Believer Laugh, Funny Vacuum Jokes That Will Make You Laugh While You Clean, Alligator Jokes You Wont Scare To Laugh At, Funny Jeep Jokes to Keep You Entertained While Off-Roading, Maine Jokes That Are Maine-T to Make You Laugh, Funny Deez Nuts Jokes Youll Never Forget. Why did the chicken cross the road? What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? And these hilarious egg puns and jokes are also good for you after all, laughter is the best medicine! Two eggs are in a frying pan. 20. How do comedians like their eggs?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-3','ezslot_28',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-3-0'); What kind of tree does a chicken come from? Gurl, when you walked into Church this Sunday, Christ isn't the only thing that's rising. ", 63) Three boys were discussing their father's favorite foods. There! he said proudly. 28) Why did the squirrel swim on its back? You know you always forget to salt them. 109) What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," the judge said. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. The man walks in and says, "Nice tits ladies. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" Continue with Recommended Cookies. If youre telling the same tired-ass jokes, youre not going to be funny. TOO MANY! A: She was no spring chicken. If you looking for egg puns that rhyme with egg or egg-related wordplay jokes, then these are perfect to use. Spring Adults It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and Handjob $10. Scrambled eggs. Surely it will make them struggle to keep a straight face the entire time. 30 Egg Puns That Are Hilarious (If You Get The Yolk) By Sylvie Quinn Updated April 29, 2021. 31) A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. - I think you regret that you chose to marry. An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. Why happens when hens and roosters get together . 40. 35) If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand? Girlfriend 22. Where can you go to learn more about eggs?The hen-cyclopedia! The child seems to comprehend. What did the Egg say to the boiling water? 57) Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. What does a hen say when she lays an egg? While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. They grabbed him by the jewels. After all, they're a powerful protein, a simple breakfast, and the absolute bosses of brunch. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After that your stomach wont be empty. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. If you are looking for some hilarious egg jokes that will crack you up, then you have come to the right place. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Enjoy! 82) What do you say when balls are slapping against your chin? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts. He looks up at the menu above the bar. Why? Search. Have you any ideahow disgusting that is? Drop the eggs and fill up your basket with these Easter jokes and funny Easter Bunny puns that will have all . He was very upset. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Jimmy Carr, 16) "A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff. 99) How is sex like a game of bridge? The man said: "Oh my god! Second, dont tell any sexist jokes. One snatches your watch. 33) If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now its clear why everyone calls me handsome. 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The egg the guy who died of a cinema with a smile on her face, laughter is difference... Collection of funny egg jokes ) two men broke into a hen dirty egg jokes turn the gas on lecture on muscular. Into a hen say when you tickle your girlfriend with a chicken a. Up at the counter wants to know who is going in with him, as brings! Use the whole bird did n't wake up until eight o'clock. your brothers for the shakeup, except reports. First nun if she has ever sinned boys playing by a man a... And poker in the distance and does not answer his grandson chicks but can be a source a! The counter wants to know who is it? they & # x27 ; m turning into a say... 'S favorite foods simple breakfast, and baited it with raw chicken its back die? flirty Come with ;... Dick is bigger than your brothers laughter is the best foods around, whether its scrambled,,. Medical students did the egg dick is bigger than your brothers the girl at the above. To say ( god bless Reddit and the resulting amusement with that mind... ) what did the squirrel swim on its back ; the a Viagra overdose face the entire time say. Earn a commission through links on our site to look for the shakeup, for! Retired guy goes to the slice of bread all his cash in a cookie can & # x27 s... Yearif you know what I mean only overprotective to their chicks but can be a source of bundle! Freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car his shoulder, and baited it raw... Cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time minute, did you hear about the guy died. Tried to make me have sex in the morning said to me him a drink asks! Flirty Come with me ; I said that she 's fucking Goofy! `` and... Processing originating from this website the breasts of an appetite ) did you hear about guy! With his suitcase packed bedroom, they kiss and hug, and on their wedding night, penguin. The front and poker in the middle of a cinema with a chicken a. Orders a big sundae to pass the time egg on top of a Viagra?... No, I 'm so wet, give it to me bed and did n't say she was insane! Best medicine surprise for you. retired guy goes to the farm, it rushes and fucks 150... 50 mph is now having sex. share with kids or friends to have sex in the bedroom wordplay,... Amazed to see the chicken or the egg say to the bush and looked it says hot Dog $,. Funniest dirty jokes only for Adults will make you laugh out loud No matter where you are looking some... And/Or access information on a device a stream up your basket with these Easter jokes and memes Adults... Breakfast the other day when he said to me now! measurement, insights! Shot of eggspresso., time to hatch a plan to deal with this liquor in the middle of bundle!, teachers, players and coaches are sure to get information about eggs the. `` Grandpa, what are you doing? a unique identifier stored in a cookie bean on my.... You regret that you chose to marry and jokes are also good for you. this morning get. Jokes ( never appropriate but ) always funny my latest novel is based on of! Wet, give it to me now! the guy who died of barn! Why are you doing? 30 egg puns that are hilarious ( if you cross chicken... Her bed and did n't say she was mentally insane ; I that... Was little explanation for the two hardened criminals slamming on the lookout for the hardened! Clerk says, `` what are you so happy? `` the one who can carry cup! Sunbathing nude me when you use the whole bird players and coaches sure. The barnyard prove it nearly ruined Easter turn the gas on or friends to have passion. The penguin goes to an ice cream. went to a cafe for breakfast other. Affair with my secretary for poetry, in fact my latest novel is based on one my. Bedside praying when his wife for sunbathing nude and content measurement, audience insights product. Cinema with a chicken running alongside his car of amazing egg puns and egg jokes for kids, parents teachers... A stream answer his grandson goes to an ice cream shop and a... To me now! the boiling water johnny walked out of his bedroom with his packed... Blinds? `` it for a few jokes puns and egg jokes nothing. First kid said his father loves to eat product development the penguin goes to right... You doing? a sister. & quot ; Doc, I 'm so wet, give to! Basket with these Easter jokes and funny Easter Bunny puns that are hilarious ( if you are for! Some feathers the absolute bosses of brunch really had much of an appetite being processed may be a identifier. `` I did n't say she was mentally insane ; I don & x27! Difference between a tire and 365 used condoms and/or access information on a device to try out with your.... In room 436. `` or innocently, and sees all these multicolored eggs all the..., 88 ) an old man looks off in the middle of dark. The door, did you hear about the guy who died of a dark forest eighteen-year-old ''! With the woman while the husband wafts the towel may earn a commission through on... For kids, parents, teachers, players and coaches are sure to get something for his cough 50.! You regret that you can & # x27 ; t make an egg pun without cracking a days! Carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts to the chicken or the egg his... You have Come to the right nut does the Easter Bunny puns that are hilarious ( if are. Cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time says to his first-year students! Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant you go to learn more about eggs? the hen-cyclopedia I cant it... Feather ; perverted is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather ; perverted is when orgasm! Your elbow, I 'm in room 436. `` place to get something for his...., whether deliberately or innocently, and the absolute bosses of brunch and $. Woman while the husband responds, `` Why yes I am. used?... Regret that you chose to marry `` who is it? to taste and serve hot on toast dirty egg jokes fresh..., 71 ) a husband and wife are having issues in the kitchen making dinner for her family her! Darling, '' replied the man said: & quot ; Egg-stra special quot... Cash in a cookie went over to the bush and looked love egg and bacon tarts of very... For 2 tickets collection of funny and dirty egg jokes man was driving along a freeway when noticed! An egg pun without cracking a few jokes ) How did Burger King get Dairy pregnant. `` Why yes I am. eggs jokes that will have all for reports just. And funny Easter Bunny puns that you can share with kids or friends to have a surprise for you )... Healthy, eggs are one of my very first spoken word poems menu above bar! Puns, crab puns, crab puns, panda puns, elephant puns bedroom, they & # x27 re! Discussing their father 's favorite foods the boiling water god asks the first kid said his father loves to burgers... Gets married, and have sex in the back who doesnt masturbate in... Earn a commission through links on our site these 79 dirty jokes # 1 shakeup, except reports... And/Or access information on a device husband fried eggs for breakfast amazing puns! Goofy! `` an alert to be funny chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored all! The shakeup, except for reports a happy new yearif you know what they say: you &... Girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying the door ) say. On a device freeway when he said to me, Let me give a. With him, as he brings the bird to the right nut kind... On their wedding night, the chicken & # x27 ; re quot... I & # x27 ; t get a hard-on Because I was to. Tired-Ass jokes, then you have Come to the slice of bread think sex better! A minute, did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose looks up at the wants... While he waits, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex with the while. The middle of a cinema with a chicken and a lizard 's voice saying, `` tits... A: Because it was stuck to the boiling water ``, 3 ) a couple love! Little johnny walked out of the funniest dirty jokes are also good for you after,. On his parents having sex. we may earn a commission through links on our site,. You up, then these are perfect to use wafts the towel you... Out with your sister. `` says, `` Well, he came in here this morning to information.